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To paraphrase Eleanore Wells of The Spinsterlicious Life.com, marriage is not a better life—it's just a different one.
Is it my intention to exclusively date or eventually try to marry this guy? In other words, I don’t want to marry every man that I date.
I can enjoy a gentleman’s company without feeling the pressure to explain why he and I are not monogamous or why I’m not devising Operation Bridezilla in order to get hitched to him. If people gave advice or shared their experiences in an attempt to be relevant rather than “clever,” they might actually help someone. I can sum up my opinion of the book in two words: Negro, please.
It's like deeply desiring a grilled salmon filet, but realizing that you're in Mc Donald’s. Ultimately, we’re making a decision to see ourselves in terms of weakness or in terms of strength: “I’m desperate and I need somebody.” versus “I’m awesome and I want somebody.” The desire to connect is a basic human instinct. Resist antiquated, outmoded and outright bad advice that’s being fed to you.
Here’s what I’ve noticed: African-American women do not give themselves permission to love, to be passionate, to enjoy life, to laugh, to take risks, to live by their own rules, to confront lies, to tell their story, to stand up, to be themselves, to be loud, to be quiet, to connect, to touch, to feel, to be their most powerful, compelling, beautiful and awesome selves. It’s a new world, and African-American women have the opportunity to redefine their futures and the very essence of what it means to be in a satisfying and fulfilling relationship – especially the one with themselves.
It plays upon the worst insecurities of men and women – but especially the African-American women who make up a large portion of its target audience: “We’re (men) pretty confident that your willingness to be in a relationship with us supersedes all the things we do that look suspicious, because we know you’ll work through the suspicion – that it’s more important to you to be with us in our imperfection than to leave us and be alone.” And there, loud and clear, is the two-fold message that African-American men are not capable of a deep, abiding, faithful soul connection and African-American women are so afraid of being alone they’ll accept that and the destructive behavior that goes with it. Sorry, Steve, but we do not exist on this earth to settle for scraps from one another.
Inside of us is the ability to love and love deeply.
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Women should not suppress or ignore that ability simply because it is difficult for men to access or understand.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating