Dating someone after being friends

“I’m going to need some time.” We’d just finished the second round of a breakup talk at the end of a relationship that was three months but felt like six.

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I don't know how to be friends with anyone I've so much as kissed.

OK fine, that's an exaggeration, but I wish were mature a la Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield circa awards season 2017, and I'm not.

But once I got home and thought about following up to schedule that coffee, I didn’t. As I thought about how many exes and quasi-exes I already have as friends, I wasn’t sure I wanted or needed another one. One of them started a book club that I’ve been part of for years.

I’m not pining for any of them; rather, I want them to be happy, just as I’m sure they wish the same for me.

I recently spoke to my own therapist about this, after a few flirty text interchanges with someone I used to date who is not single. Is a thread of texts with someone you used to be with all that out of line?

She reminded me that neither of us had crossed any line, and that I didn't know what this old flame's new relationship was like. Not necessarily, especially if things ended on good terms with that person.

"Some people are better left in your past, and ex-relationships tend to confuse the potential strength of a current relationship and hinder you from moving on and fully exploring the the future of this new relationship. "It shows that you're the type of person who doesn’t burn bridges.

"Yup, it is pretty much a good look to be resentful about your ex in front of a new partner.

How do you decide whether to keep an ex — or merely someone you dated — in your life after the spark has gone out? If you have kids together, you might be co-parenting or at least communicating.

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