Videos of older women chatting sexually
I think often of the two men who intervened when they came upon Brock Turner assaulting an unconscious woman at Stanford — they knew instantly that something was wrong, because she was clearly not participating.Contrast that with Evan Westlake, who in high school witnessed his two friends raping a semi-conscious girl at a party in Steubenville, Ohio.
The collective anguish of all these women has been haunting me this week in the wake of the publication of a piece about one woman’s evening with Aziz Ansari, which ended, she says, with him repeatedly disregarding her verbal and nonverbal boundaries as he pursued his own sexual agenda.
I’ve lost track of the number of people in both low and high places who’ve written that the encounter was “fair game.” The response reveals the deeply ingrained ways our culture believes a woman’s resistance is a fun challenge for men to overcome, and that “consent” is a free pass one can bully out of a woman if persistent or crafty enough. But to change things, we need to talk about how we can better educate young people in this country about sex, consent, and pleasure.
The basic principle at the heart of affirmative consent is simple: We’re each responsible for making sure our sex partners are actually into whatever is happening between us.
Since decent human beings only want to have sex with people who are into it, this shouldn’t be a hard sell.
Nineteen states require sex educators to teach that sex should only happen after marriage.
Only 24 states and Washington, DC, mandate that schools teach any kind of sex ed at all.
Imagine if we prepared students that well to take care of each other during sex.
Sex ed in US public schools isn’t regulated by the federal government, and the resulting patchwork of curricula is a de-standardized mess.
When asked why he didn’t intervene, he told the court, “Well, it wasn’t violent. I always pictured it as forcing yourself on someone.” I’m sure there are many differences between Westlake and the two men in the Turner case — and these cases are different from the Ansari situation — but the one that stands out to me is that Westlake was raised here in the US.
The two men on bicycles in Palo Alto were Swedes, raised in a country that teaches healthy attitudes toward sexuality and gender in school, starting in kindergarten, including lessons on not just biology but healthy relationships, destigmatizing taboos around sex, and, yes, affirmative consent.
But if you’ve been raised to think of sex as a battle of the sexes, or a business deal in which men “get some” and women either “give it up” or “save it” for marriage, it can still be a jarring idea, like suggesting to someone that there’s something they could breathe other than air.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating